Em Xangai

Estou doente. Constipação. Ou seja, estou chato a sério.

Hoje cheguei ao serviço às 9h45m, tal era a carraspana com que estava. Temos uma farmácia ao pé do escritório. Ninguém fala inglês. Fui lá com a YuYu. Segue-se excerto:

(à chegada à farmácia)

YuYu: OK, so what pain do you have?

Eu: Well... it's kind of a general thing...

Y: Headache?

E: Yes.

Y: Sore throat?

E: Oh yeah...

Y: Runny nose?

E: You bet.

Y: Fever?

E: Don't think so, but hell, who knows? ...

...

E: Tylenol???!!! I want the Powerful Chinese Medicine!

Y: There is no Powerful Chinese Medicine.

E: What??? You don't understand. This is a vicious bug. This is a mutated Sino-Portuguese Life Destroyer. You gotta give me the hard stuff!

Y: All Chinese medicine is slow acting. It takes time...

E: How much time?

Y: Three month, six month...

E: What???

Y: You have to be patient. (a paciência dos Chinses merece um post à parte)

E: I'm Portuguese! I don't know what that means. Give me the one with snake blood, scorpion venom and roots of men-eating plants. That's the one I need!

Y: I don't know that one. I can get you something for your throat...

E: Powerfull stuff?

Y: No, not really...

E: OK, whatever.... Bring it on...

...

(no pagamento dos 22 RMB....)

E: Ask them if they have discount for Putaoya Pengyou.

Y: I don't think they have...

E: Are you sure?

Y: You ask.

E: OK, I trust you... But they should have...

...

(no elevador de regresso ao serviço)

E: Is this Powerful Tylenol?

Y: No, actually it's weaker than the Western one. It's made in China.

E: You're joking?!

Y: No, no. It's for Chinese. We can't take medicine so strong. At the place I worked before, my boss was American and he gave me half the dosage of Western medicine he took, and I was dizzy all day...

E: Can I buy the Powerful Tylenol anywhere?

Y: No.

E: OK...

...

(no escritório)

E: What am I supposed to do with this?

Y: You put in very hot water and they expand. Then you drink.

E: How many do I put in the glass?

Y: Three or four.

E: It tastes bad, right?

Y: No, not really.

E: I drink and then what?

Y: Well, you fill it again and drink again.

E: Really?

Y: Yes, I drink at least 10 glasses, very hot. And then eat the plants.

E: But you're small! I should probably drink 20 glasses,

Y: Probably.

E: Are you gonna go back to your friends and say: "I made the stupid Portuguese drink that awful stuff, Ha!Ha!Ha!","And then, I even got him to eat the thing! Ha!Ha!Ha!? Are you?

Y: No.

E: You're sure?

Y: I'm not like you.

E: OK... You're right, I would probably do it...

Y: I know.

...

As quatro.... sei lá.... coisas.

Expandem-se, de facto...

Expandem-se com fartura na realidade...

Querem que eu coma isto? Se calhar fica para a próxima...